5 Life Perspectives I've Shifted Views On
Because I'm older, wiser, and completely over my own bullshit
This aging thing is a double-edged sword: We do whatever it takes to keep it from happening, but can’t become who we are truly meant to be without it happening.
It’s a Yin and Yang of mentality vs physicality. The tougher it gets on our physical being and the more challenges a longer life presents to us, the stronger our minds become in handling just about all of it.
Maybe.
I do know that with aging comes wisdom, and that wisdom is a direct result of understanding and handling struggle, perceptions or narrowminded-ness, all while being able to utter the words (out loud), “I was wrong.”
So, in no particular order, here's what I was wrong about:
“I don’t need anyone.”
Oh, feminism. And chip-on-your-shoulder. And resentment. If you find yourself using these words, chances are you fall victim to one of the above. It’s so easy to pretend you don’t need another single person but yourself…for just about anything. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said this exact phrase in my lifetime.
The truth is, it’s complete bullshit.
You don’t think you need anyone because you feel like women are the superior gender, you feel unappreciated, you voluntarily take on too many things and then become a martyr to those things, you think everyone else sucks at doing the things you do, you’re a control freak, you have a strained relationship with your parents, or you’re bitter from a heartbreaking (or not) partnership split.
No offense. Because I’ve just described what was once me.
Really, what you should be saying instead is this:
“Yes, I need help. I need YOU.”
There isn’t a single person on this planet who doesn’t need other people. We are primal creatures at our core, when an entire TRIBE worked together to accomplish the most basic tasks of daily life.
I cannot accomplish those tasks alone.
Everyone, EVERYONE, needs someone…. lots of someones. Does that mean you aren’t capable of doing these things? NOPE. But as women, we need men. As men, they need women. As moms, we need a village. As friends, we need other friends. As business owners, we need a community. As HUMANS, we need each other. I have never been more aware in my life of just how much I need another person, a partner, or a tribe.
More is more.
While I’ve shifted my current thoughts on this, I stand firm in it being something that I had to believe in before I could be wrong about it. Kinda like Twinkies.
For most of my life, more was more. I was born with the drive to do more, be more, engage in more, work at it more, have more friends, exercise more, say yes more, go out more, never let a single thing pass you by, never falter, more stuff, more doing, more…..MORE.
And without that mentality, I wouldn’t be where I am now, physically or mentally. I have no doubts about this.
But then it happens. There comes this tipping point where “more” begins to shift from accomplishing important tasks to just being “busy.” From a badge you proudly wear to the embarrassment of burnout behind closed doors. From successful forward-movement to frantic regression.
The quality of “more” tarnishes, like a pair of kitchen shears left wet in the sink one too many times.
You don’t know this until you’ve hit it.
So my old definition of more has changed. The new one sounds like “more efficient,” “more rest,” “more recovery,” “more focus,” “more priority on what has a bigger return,” “more creativity,” “more saying no,” “more valued connections,” “more doing the things that actually make me productive and not just feeling like I am.”
Yes, more is more. Just be sure you know what that word means.
Not Questioning EVERYTHING.
I’m not a naive or gullible person by nature. Like, I don’t think things like Kevita beverages actually contain enough probiotics in them to do a single thing …or healthcare is really about caring for your health. No, I’m not a sucker when it comes to these things. But, I suppose, instead, you could have always categorized me as “positively optimistic.” And with that optimism came a whole lotta, “I WANT to believe this is true.” From people’s intentions to societal impressions.
When it’s not.
It wasn’t until Covid hit that I really began to question e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. As the “pandemic” grew and more of our basic human rights (like breathing air or maintaining a job if you didn’t do what was told of you) got stripped away, my mindset shifted quite a bit in the capacity at which we go about our day-to-day thinking things are the way we’ve created them to be in our heads.
Up until then, I fully and completely thought people who questioned everything were crazy. I couldn’t understand why anyone would believe that the greater good wasn’t always at the top-most concern of any sovereigning individual or body of individuals.
Boy, I was wrong.
I think it’s really nice to live in a world where you think everyone has your back. And, in turn, you blindly have theirs. It’s a peaceful place, one of contentment and cupcakes. I lived there. My cupcakes were delicious and anyone who didn’t enjoy cupcakes were just mad human beings.
But I am becoming fully subscribed to my world having less cupcakes and more spicy margaritas instead. The kind that leaves a hangover if you don’t pay attention. (I happen to like margaritas more than cupcakes.)
One of the most important traits of any human being is to possess the ability the think critically. I think we all have it but it can easily be masked by emotion. I get it, I really do.
I’m not saying you need to get harder. Well, maybe I am. A little bit. Enough to open your eyes to things possibly not always being what they seem, and to fully dissecting a situation and how it affects YOU and the people closest to you, rather than living with faith blinders on, like I did for so long.
Travel is not a luxury.
Let me say it again.
Travel is not a luxury.
It is a necessity.
I’ve traveled since I was a young child. But for the longest time, there was a sense of guilt attached to it. “You can’t really afford this.” “You shouldn’t take the time off.” “You can only go on one trip a year.”
Why?
Because society has ingrained in us that travel is an escape. Unnecessary. Time away from hustling every minute of your life away. That travel equates to “vacation.” And “vacation” equates to “run away from your everyday life.”
Well, it’s just not true.
The truth is that travel is necessary for so many reasons. Education, exploration, cultural awareness, interaction with new people, connections, experiences, life lessons and a whole lot more.
Stop right now and think about an amazing life memory that stands out in your mind. More than likely, it took place somewhere outside of your current location.
I don’t travel to escape my life. I love my life. I travel to add more to it. To obtain new perspectives, to learn from others, to strengthen my relationships with those who do it with me, to become better acclimated in situations different than mine, to see more than what’s right in front of my face.
To burn as many beautiful memories into my brain as I can, before this life slips away from me.
Travel is not a luxury.
Excitement is loud.
I recently visited New York City with my man to go see Shane Gillis at Radio City Music Hall. We stayed at a swanky Midtown hotel, got dressed up and ate dinner at a fancy French restaurant, sat in the “late” showing, and continued on to a bar for after-show drinks and food, until well after 3 o’clock in the morning.
And we had a blast.
When I got back into town and spoke about how much fun we had, a friend, who is from New York, said to me, “You’d love it in the city, living there!” And I couldn’t rebut it fast enough with, “Oh no, I would hate it. But at one point in my life, I may have.”
That’s because I thought excitement was loud. I thought the only way to feel like you’ve done something spectacular was if it was jam-packed with noise, lights, thrill, and thousands of people on every corner.
I sort of defined myself by this for a long time. “I’m a city girl.” “I love going out.” “I don’t want to sit home and do nothing.” If there was a social event, a networking group, a new restaurant opening, or a reason to be somewhere “happening,” I was there. Because I thought that’s what it meant to live an exciting life (which I FULLY blame on reading way too many big-city-girl novels and watching endless Hallmark movies).
I’m glad that’s over.
Excitement now comes in the form of life fulfillment stemming from the people I surround myself with. It comes from Friday night snuggles on the couch, watching a movie. From a delicious dinner in a hidden corner of a cozy restaurant. From a walk on a beautiful path with my best friend. From treating my daughters to fancy ice cream. From making an impact on others, taking a cooking class, reading a book, conversing with my parents, living out my purpose, learning something new, sitting around a table laughing with family, and a perfectly made cup of coffee.
Excitement isn’t loud. It isn’t mute, either.
Excitement is a solid medium. And a place where I can happily live.